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I would like to apologize for all the abuse you receive from people in relationships. I know it’s not really their fault that they do crazy things, but I’d like to offer you a preemptive promise that I will not engage in the following social media practices once I enter a relationship on an unforeseen date:
1. I will refrain from posting super lovey dovey things 20+ times on his Facebook wall. I promise to only post hilarious YouTube videos. (Everyone knows you can tell of a couple is in love if they only post hilarious YouTube videos on each others walls. Right, Marina?)
2. I will post only 1 photo or less of a towel animal from the honey moon. The Internet does not need to see the entire cast of The Lion King made out of terry cloth.
3. I will refrain from posting about extremely minor anniversaries excessively. The Internet does not need to know that it’s been 17 days since we first got our first Redbox movie together.
4. Should an engagement occur, I will post a photo of the ring IMMEDIATELY after changing my status. That’s all anyone really cares about looking at anyway, right?
5. Dignity Clause: Should a break up occur, there will be no mysterious song lyrics or Bible verses about heart break. Even though that’s prime Facebook stalking material.
*All promises subject to being in love and may be voided at that time.
BONUS: An old fav…