Nothing’s Mine but I Want Everything.

  I recently moved and it’s been so lovely to craft a new space! My mom and I went to a zillion Goodwills and Homegoods and Ross’s and Tuesday Mornings’ and stocked my apt full of adorable things. I can’t wait to post pictures.

The problem is…I caught myself not being able to stop. There was always something else to buy: paper towel dispensers, hangers, cutesy baskets, fake flowers…… The more I bought the more I wanted. It gave me a rush to add something new. Occasionally (read:always), I get introspective. It’s never easy to look at the ugly parts of yourself.

I realized I was numbing  deep hurts & neglecting needs. I read a quote on IG today that said you never really stop grieving you just learn to live in a new way…that is so true. 

As I muddle through a season of significant loss, I’m upset that things are being taken away from me. Or at least that’s how it feels. Which brings me to Jesus. It always comes back to Him.

“Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal.  But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matt 6:19-21

Nothing really belongs to me- my things or my relationships. It’s all going to rust and decay. Except for Jesus. Jesus has promised me eternity. I want my heart to be in Heaven and not World Market…no matter how much I feel like I need that ceramic bird. I want full, holy healing- not the bandaid of a new mirrored side table. 

I fully believe the Lord will use my new home for wholeness, & hospitality, but I can hear the Holy Spirit whisper that it needs to start in my own heart before it can become a safe haven for others. 

One thought on “Nothing’s Mine but I Want Everything.

  1. worleyhouse

    I just love your honesty behind this post. I dealt with these same feelings before in my life as well. But you’re so right that we want our hearts to be in heaven. I have no doubt that God is going to be glorified in that new place of yours and that it will be a place for rest for you!

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