The Case Against Being a Butt Baby

  If you’ve talked to me at any length in the past year, you’ve probably heard this story. I was sitting at the same counter where this all went down tonight & the story popped into my head. I thought it was time to share it here.

My 2015 sucked. The whole thing was just kind of a giant heart break. I cried more than usual. It was just hard.

One evening, I was crying in Shawn & Candi’s kitchen. I was sitting at the counter and just word vomiting everything I was feeling. As Shawn was encouraging me to ask Jesus what He had to say about the situation, Skyler runs into the kitchen. [Side note: Skyler is the most hilarious, adventurous, crazy four year old I know.] He said the most profound sentance to me. It was  a huge turning point for my year. Skyler screams at the top of his little lungs,

“Katie- stop being a butt baby and come jump on the trampoline!”

You know what? I was being a butt baby. Now, I am a huge advocate for walking through grief- you gotta feel your feelings, ya dig? But I was wallowing it. Focusing on it. Throwing a giant pity party. Mope city. Skyler nailed it on the head. 

So I ran with him into the back yard and I jumped on that trampoline. As we were bouncing and laughing, it broke something in me. It shifted my focus. It sent me in the direction that I wanted to go- back to joy and fun. It took the focus off of myself and on to something different.

It reminded me of Matthew 18:3:

“Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, whoever takes the lowly position of this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

Sometimes, you have to do something childlike to break out of our clunky adult mindsets. As an adult, I can be jaded or cynical. When I am childlike, I am full of wonder and joy and acceptance. The little things don’t matter as much. You can be a butt baby sometimes. You can have your moment. Take some time to process. But don’t stay there. I hope you have a good kitchen counter where you can spill your guts. When the time is right, look for an opportunity to get on a trampoline. I’m sure Skyler would love to bounce with you. 
Ps: Skyler got in trouble for saying butt baby. He’s not allowed to go around and say such offensive things…but I’m glad he said it to me. šŸ™‚

Oh 14 Year Old Katie

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This last week, Kelli and I went to see the first love of my life: Nick Carter. To say I was a fan of the Backstreet Boys is an understatement. I saw BSB live when I was 14. I cried/sobbed the entire time. In fact, I was in such a state of emotional upheaval that security came and asked me if I was okay. Yeah.

So when I saw Nick (my fav, btw) this week, all I could think was, “Wow 14 year old Katie would be dying right now.” I was so close to him I could see the sweat on his cute blonde brow. (That’s as much detail as I’ll get into. He’s married with a kid on the way. But I’ll just leave it at: #swoon) If 14 year old Katie could see me now- meeting up with a friend at a cool downtown venue to see the love of her life without having to ask permission- she would be so proud.

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But there’s a lot more that 14 year old and 20-something year old Katie should be proud of. High School Freshman Katie was scared and insecure and weird and unsure. I think we all were.

Today I’m really proud that I’ve risen to the fight to figure out who I am. It’s really scary to face all of your rough edges that have protected you for so long.

I’m proud that I kept going after I fell down. There have been lots of times when I majorly messed up. Like when I lied to all the people who were nicest to me. Or when I’ve really hurt people because of my own hurt. Shawn said to me recently, “I think you think of your self as someone who doesn’t follow through or someone who quits, but you’ve really shown that you’ve kept going.” Whoa. Heavy. True.

I’m proud that I’m working towards a legacy of emotional health. I was having a late night conversation over eggs with Ginger. I was moping and venting and crabbing about feeling stuck and not knowing how to do things well. She said 2 things people always say that make me want to punch them in the face, “You’re never going to arrive.” and “Katie- you are healthy now.” Okay so I don’t really want to inflict pain on anyone, but it’s good to have a friend who assures you that it’s okay to be in the process and that you’re on the right track. (I still hate being in the process, for the record.)Ā img_3370

So while I may or may not be proud that I lost my voice & my hearing at a Nick Carter concert, I certainly am proud of moving forward. I’m also proud that I still knew every word to every Backstreet Boys song he sang. Old habits die hard- good ones and bad ones. šŸ™‚

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Gosh he is so stinking cute….. ā¤