This last week, Kelli and I went to see the first love of my life: Nick Carter. To say I was a fan of the Backstreet Boys is an understatement. I saw BSB live when I was 14. I cried/sobbed the entire time. In fact, I was in such a state of emotional upheaval that security came and asked me if I was okay. Yeah.
So when I saw Nick (my fav, btw) this week, all I could think was, “Wow 14 year old Katie would be dying right now.” I was so close to him I could see the sweat on his cute blonde brow. (That’s as much detail as I’ll get into. He’s married with a kid on the way. But I’ll just leave it at: #swoon) If 14 year old Katie could see me now- meeting up with a friend at a cool downtown venue to see the love of her life without having to ask permission- she would be so proud.
But there’s a lot more that 14 year old and 20-something year old Katie should be proud of. High School Freshman Katie was scared and insecure and weird and unsure. I think we all were.
Today I’m really proud that I’ve risen to the fight to figure out who I am. It’s really scary to face all of your rough edges that have protected you for so long.
I’m proud that I kept going after I fell down. There have been lots of times when I majorly messed up. Like when I lied to all the people who were nicest to me. Or when I’ve really hurt people because of my own hurt. Shawn said to me recently, “I think you think of your self as someone who doesn’t follow through or someone who quits, but you’ve really shown that you’ve kept going.” Whoa. Heavy. True.
I’m proud that I’m working towards a legacy of emotional health. I was having a late night conversation over eggs with Ginger. I was moping and venting and crabbing about feeling stuck and not knowing how to do things well. She said 2 things people always say that make me want to punch them in the face, “You’re never going to arrive.” and “Katie- you are healthy now.” Okay so I don’t really want to inflict pain on anyone, but it’s good to have a friend who assures you that it’s okay to be in the process and that you’re on the right track. (I still hate being in the process, for the record.)
So while I may or may not be proud that I lost my voice & my hearing at a Nick Carter concert, I certainly am proud of moving forward. I’m also proud that I still knew every word to every Backstreet Boys song he sang. Old habits die hard- good ones and bad ones. 🙂
Gosh he is so stinking cute….. ❤